Regrets.
They are the dregs of broken dreams that rot and cling to your soul. They are the chains of the past.
If you were to ask me "What's a fulfilling life to you?"
"A life lived without regrets."
I would answer that.
Flaring pain. Something in my chest is burning, but I'm scared to look down and find the cause. I close my eyes in denial, but the agony won't stop.
No...
Like seething lava, the pain spreads to my arms, my legs, and my face. My whole body is now one pulsing vessel of pain.
Stop...!
I try to open my eyes. They won't answer to me. A part of me doesn't find it all that surprising. The rest is filled with fear. But even that fear feels distant, as if covered by a fog that grows thicker and thicker.
Don't...!
The heat quickly fades. It's replaced by an icing cold. It starts from the tips of my fingers and the balls of my feet. The tingling spreads slowly, but I can't stop it. I can't muster the mental strength to fight back. Everything is blurred. My thoughts, my emotions, even the primal fear that gripped my heart is fading.
I'm dying.
I dont want to die!
I don't want to die.
My life wasn't anywhere near its natural end. I was a young unemployed man, waiting for the opportunity to present itself to make it big in the world. Just waiting for the chance...
But the chance didn't come.
Regrets. I have a lot of those.
Mother and Father. They were kind to me. They let me live with them until I found a proper job. Despite their harsh words, they supported me, uncaring for their precarious financial situation.
I wanted to help them.
My girlfriend. Hah! That was a joke. I didn't have one. Through the course of my life, I have been in several relationships. Most of them were over by the course of a month. I guess you could say I was very unlucky, but not all of the breakups were my partner's fault. And of course, none of them progressed to that point before coming to an end. I am still a Sage to this day.
I wanted to lose my V card.
My job. I had many job opportunities, but turned them down one after the other telling to myself "I can do better than that" while spoiling away. Then the offers stopped coming. I tried ro reassure myself saying "I can do it by myself!" and other meaningless things. What a joke.
I wanted a job I enjoyed.
So many regrets. So many wishes dragging me down like a weight. My soul feels heavy just by thinking of the businesses I left unfinished.
Maybe that second one wasn't as important. Or so you would say... Hey! I'm a man. I have my honor to uphold, you know?
The cold has almost entirely taken me by now. I can't feel my body anymore. Damn. I even preferred the pain to this.
Pain is hot. Pain means you're alive.
So this is the end then.
I never got to see that movie of my whole life flashing through my eyes. Does that mean I didn't have enough important memories to be worth the bother? That's depressing. Why didn't you live a better life, me?
Why didn't you live a better life?
Well, the answer is probably "I thought i had time."
I thought I had enough time to fix every mistake. I tried to convince myself that I didn't have to start right now, that later would be fine. "I still have a lot of time."
That's not even a funny joke.
I don't have time now. I guess you can't count on the time you have left, huh? If you think about it, it doesn't even mean you will die before fulfilling your dreams. Opportunities gone will never come back. No matter how much time passes. You can't rewind time.
Oh, well. Lesson learned. Only, I can't do a thing with that lesson now.
I wish I had learned it before.
Sigh...
I'll have to make do with a mental sigh. My lungs aren't in breathing shape right now. In fact, I don't think they're in any shape whatsoever.
I'm sad.
Well, I'm also somewhat angry. At myself, more than anything else. How can you be so stupid, me?! Wasting your precious life like that! But I'm mostly sad that I won't be able to do anything with these regrets.
The dregs of broken dreams weight heavily even as the fog takes over my consciousness.
I'm fading...
I wonder, does a soul tainted by regret go to Heaven? Or do those black chains drag it down to hell? I never did anything worth of mention in my life. I will probably end up in limbo for all eternity.
An afterlife of emptiness for a life of emptiness. Spare me the irony!
Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm fed up.
I'm not doing it a second time.
Wherever I am. Whatever I do.
I have decided.
This burden is too much to bear. I won't carry these chains anymore.
I won't stand this pain. I will make things right.
Be it in heaven, hell, or limbo.
Whatever the afterlife throws at me...
I won't make a decision I will regret!
Yeah, that's right. That's fine. Wherever I end up in, this at least I can do. I will rest assured with this decision.
It's a promise.
The fog takes over me.
The world goes dark.
.***
A dull pain erupts in my butt.
... Pain? Why am I in pain?
I'm supposed to be dead!
Am I in hell after all? Limbo isn't supposed to hurt, and heaven certainly isn't either. Unless they made some very serious reformations since the last given reviews.
But hell? Really?! I didn't do a thing! Well, I guess you could argue that on itself is a bad thing, but enough to send me to hell?
How unfair can you be?! Can't you let a dying man rest in peace?
Another smack in my butt.
Yes, they're smacking me in the butt. What kind of kinky demons inhabit hell?!
Oh, no, wait. Wait wait wait. Is this that thing? The classic kinky demoness with a killing rack of knockers come to "punish" the bad guys?
Ohohoh, now I'm getting excited. Maybe dying wasn't such a bad thing after all...
Nononono. Focus! If you're in hell, there's no way something as nice as a demoness harem is going to happen to you! Reality, me! Separating reality from fiction is fundamental in these situations! You don't want to fall into that other trope, do you?
Thinking it's all a nice game and suddenly getting your eyes open in a gruesome fashion. Definitely not my type of content.
Another smack. This one is harder. I break from my line of thought. That hurt, damnit!
"Oi, careful with that thing, it's valuable and fragile alright?!"
... Or so I try to say. My mouth has other ideas.
"Gwaaaah... Fueeeh!"
... Oh no.
Nonononono! Damnit! It can't be, don't tell me...
They made me stupid!
To make things worse, only my body is stupid! My mind is completely intact. So I have to suffer the knowledge that I won't ever reach the potential of my inner self... Or something? That's sick, even for hell! What kind of punishments do you guys come up with? Is there a "monthly torture design competition" or something? This kind of thing isn't born of lazy thinking. This is hard, competitive torture right here! The person who came up with this probably has a portrait of them hanging in hell's offices somewhere with a "demon of the month" plaque...
Oh.
I'm breathing.
That's a surprise.
I mean, it does make sense that I have a physical body, since I can feel pain. Though it's a bit disappointing that hell makes use of traditional torture methods.
No, wait, I think that's still better. If they started playing with my soul, I'd be a goner in no time. Is there an equivalent of spiritual waterboarding? I shiver at the thought.
Still. I'm breathing. But I wasn't breathing before... I started breathing when I tried to complain. Is it part of the torture? That's... Uh, creative?
I really don't get demon minds... Though I guess it comes with being from a fundamentally different race.
Huh?
I shivered again. This time it was unconsciously. It's... cold?
Hey, hey hey...
Roaring flames. Scalding lava. Red-hot rocks forming caves that stretch to eternity, the lamentations of the damned echoing through the tall arches.
That's the classic take on hell.
Don't tell me they made it cold?!
This is bad, real bad! I have a high heat resistance. Really, I was even able to stand a thirty-six degree summer without AC. But I can't stand the cold! Oh no, oh no... If they even added environmental torture, I'm thoroughly screwed!
And now that I notice, I'm also wet!
I can't compete against these evil masterminds! I repent! I repent! Please send me to limbo! I won't do it anymore! Pleaaaaase...!
Another draft of cold wind runs through my body and I shiver without control. "Cold!" ... I try to say so, but again, only the disorganized blabbering of a challenged body comes through my mouth.
This is the absolute worst torture I could ever conceive! Start playing all of my failures and regrets in my mind and you'll have the definitive torture regime! Though I guess enough time in this hellish —wink, wink— place will handle that!
Damn, I have to hand it to them, these people sure know how to do their work! Color me impressed! But, do I have to stand this for the rest of eternity...?!
Aren't there even smoke breaks?!
Can you even smoke in this place?!
I start panicking, but before I can go any further, my whole body is enveloped by warmth.
First, I'm grabbed by the ankles and dunked in... something hot. Not lava, I notice with relief. Before I have time to reflect, they lift me back up and wipe me dry, before covering me with something.
What? What is this? It feels like... fabric. Hmm... A sheet? The material is somewhat coarse, but not uncomfortably rough... It's actually quite pleasant in a primitive way.
What's the big idea, demons? Are you giving me a moment of respite to get my hopes up? Oh, I get it. When I find myself comfortable enough, you will rip this protective cowl to shreds, so that I wail in agony and despair...!
I can't stop admiring these people. They're pros, I'll give you that!
There's something that's been bothering me for a while though. Since I have a physical body... Or at least something resembling it, does it means I have eyes as well? If so, I must see this place with my own eyes! Yes, it is hell, it is scary and it will probably scar my mind for all eternity, but these people at least are great at their job! The least I can do is take this challenge head on!
That's the key to having no regrets, right? Didn't I tell myself? No matter the circumstances, never do anything you will regret later!
I try to open my eyes. Slowly, the obey my command. Open, gates of hell!
...
Blurry.
Everything is so blurry!
The world looks like a kaleidoscope! The colors are little more tha splotches in my eyes! It's like someone dumped a bucket of rainbows in a transparent canvas, put the sun behind it and then applied a blur filter! What kind of abstract art is this? This is disappointing, demons!
... Though, well, it is... Quite beautiful actually.
The colors are vibrant, contrasting with each other to create a dreamlike sensation. The bright light and the blur only add to the feeling.
Weird. If this is hell, why does it look like heaven...?
With my sight, all other senses awaken as well. I feel the sheet that wraps my body as if it were a second skin, every fiber rubbing pleasantly against me. A gentle draft of air caressing my face. The air smells of... wood? And sweat as well. There's another smell, though I can't quite figure out what it is. It resembles something in my memory... But before I can keep on this track of thought, I hear something.
"—!"
A voice.
It's a human voice.
I sigh with relief. If it is a demon, at least it doesn't have a rasping tone, or a voice that drives you insane with every word. In fact, it's... pleasant. Calming. The voice belongs to a woman, and is filled with sweetness. She appears to be speaking, but I can't understand a single word of what she says.
Sorry lady. I don't speak Hellish.
Though well, between the scenery, and the beautiful voice, I'm more inclined to belive this is Heaven.
Was the thing from before a purifying rite?
"Be rid of thy earthly shackles!"
That kind of thing?
Did it work?
...
Let's check it out!
Glasses and kneesocks, glasses and kneesocks, glasses and kneesocks...!
...
Nope. Didn't do a thing. I'm still wholy capable of horny thoughts! Hahah, take that, purifying rite! My love for kneesocks is unyielding...! ... Though wait, I don't think I should be happy about that.
"Sorry lady! I guess it didn't work!"
I try to warn her now. If life taught me something it's never to hide something that could potentially lead to trouble. If you try to play it down and get found out, the consequences can be much more serious. It's better to be put under... domiciliary arrest or something? Is there a way to punish people in heaven? Well, whatever, it's better than getting thrown out.
I really don't want to go to hell. The thought is scary.
Well, I tried to warn her, but... "Gah... Agh...!" Is what comes out.
Maybe my challenged body is my form of punishment? If so, do I remain like this until I am clean of the sin of flesh?
That's bad! I don't think my love for glasses and kneesocks will disappear anytime soon. Am I trapped in this body until the end of times...?
As I start panicking again, the sweet voice speaks again. The tone of her voice makes it sound like a question. I still don't get a single word. Maybe angels have a separate language as well?
Another voice answers. This one is also a woman's voice, but it sounds grave and... old. A grandma! Angel grandma, that's great! With a heart of gold, maybe I can make my plight to her...!
A third voice joins the conversation. A man. Young, at that. His voice is deep and... manly. Trust me, I have ample knowledge of adjectives, but there's no better way to describe it. It's like a young king is speaking in heavens.
God? Nah, the man has to be older than that. Though being omnipotent maybe entails changing your voice at will? I mean, if I could, I would definitely talk like that. Man, I'm jealous!
The voices have a conversation between them, leaving me to my own device. Well, this is a strange Heaven if I ever saw one.
I'll think about it later.
I'm sleepy.
It's sudden, but my whole body feels tired. As if the mere act of thinking had drained me of my energy. I struggle to stay awake, but my eyes start closing on their own.
What's this?! I was never good with all-nighters before, but I definitely could stay awake when I wanted to to!
Obey, body of mine! I am the master! You must heed my words...!
It's useless! I'm falling asleep.
As I struggle with my own growing tiredness, something grabs me and hoists me up. The sudden movement jostles me awake for a second, but I fall back to grogginess almost immediately. Before I have time to process what's happening, I'm deposited back in the ground.
A soft ground.
I can feel it through the sheets that wrap my body. Even as I sink into sleep, the thought is engraved in my brain.
This sensation... I think I recognize it from somewhere. My memories tingle. It is... warm... And comfortable.
My whole body reacts at once, telling the message my memory couldn't properly convey.
This is safe.
Surprised by this feeling, I make the effort to open my eyes, pouring my all into fighting the urge to sleep.
"Amazing chest ahead."
That single, famous phrase comes into my mind as the most beautiful woman I have ever seen looks back at me.
Her hair is silver blonde. Her skin is white as porcelain. Her eyes the color of a peerless turquoise, speckled like the stone itself. Her face is that of a young maiden from paradise. An angel. An angel is in front of me.
Also, massive knockers. Check.
She is enormous. I mean, that part is, compared to the rest of her, but her size itself is gigantic. Her face alone is as big as my whole body. I struggle to grasp the inmensity of this maiden from heavens as sleep claims my mind. The warmth that spreads through the fabric, that part of me that's saying "It's okay. You can rest now. You are safe." They're making it almost impossible for me to stay awake.
With a final push, I lift my hand, to reach the beautiful face looming above...
My eyes see a sausage with five little knobs of meat before closing entirely.
I have seen that before. It is not something that's supposed to be attached to my body, right?
And yet, I moved it. I feel it as a part of me.
Is it mine?
Does that mean...?
My mind retreats to a dark corner as my whole body embraces sleep.
A final though flashes through my head
It can't possibly be what I'm thinking about...
Can it?