"Have you heard? The wife of the new Uchiha clan head just gave birth."
"During the war? Where in the nine hells did Fugaku find the time or the inclination?"
"Shh! Keep your voice down. The police force is patrolling. If they hear you, you're finished."
"Tsk, what are you so afraid of? I don't get it—our whole village is at war, yet the Uchiha don't even show up."
Konohagakure no Sato. The 'Warmest' Hidden Village™. Where the air practically drips with saccharine propaganda and the forced, rictus grins of the damned.
A veritable paradise, truly! So paradisiacal, in fact, it's worth murdering your dear old mum and dad to preserve its precious, fragile 'peace.'
People are merely stepping stones, delectable stepping stones, worth slaughtering wholesale just to hear a hollow "Well done!" whispered by the ghosts of failed ideals.
Charming, isn't it?
Not that I care.
It has been precisely thirteen days since I awoke, blinking, into this gloriously chaotic meat grinder of a world. Thirteen days since the rather… disorienting realization that I wasn't merely dreaming of snakes, but was one—or rather, contained within one.
Specifically, this one: Orochimaru.
The name alone used to make my childish skin crawl—the pale specter slithering through the pages of Naruto, a creature of unsettling eyes and unsettling ambitions. Prejudice is such a simple, human thing.
Irony, however, is finding oneself inhabiting the very monster one once recoiled from. The cosmic joke writes itself, doesn't it?
"Kukuku—ahem." I should control myself. In the middle of Konoha, in daylight, if people saw 'me' laughing suddenly, even Sarutobi might not be able to sleep peacefully.
Certainly, if presented with a cosmic menu of reincarnation options—a veritable buffet of potential vessels—this particular serpentine entrée wouldn't have been my third choice. Too much baggage. The ethical flexibility, while useful, comes with such tedious public relations problems.
But let's not indulge in pointless whining, shall we?
In this brutal playground where power is the only currency that matters, waking up as a Kage-level powerhouse, a legend whispered in fear before his fortieth birthday, is not just luck; it's the universe handing you a vial of pure, uncut potential wrapped in cursed scrolls. Let alone the fact that I have a so-called system.
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[Abilities]: Mastery of all five chakra natures, Chakra Absorption, Snake Summoning, Body Modification, Poison Resistance, Sealing Techniques…
[Kekkei Genkai]: None
[Items]: Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi, concealed weaponry, scrolls of forbidden jutsu, and delightful research notes…
[Talents]: Inventing forbidden jutsu, forked tongue, near-unkillable, obsessive researcher, immortality enthusiast…
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An impressive résumé, wouldn't you say? Enough to make ninety-nine percent of the shinobi population weep into their ration bars with envy.
A template most would gladly sell their pathetic little souls for. But, 'kukuku,' the System isn't merely a glorified mirror reflecting what I have.
The system isn't just for show.
Its name is the Ninja World Template System—its function is sublimely simple: it allows me to acquire and assimilate the very essence of individuals, past and present, who have or will come across this wretched world.
With luck, I might pull Kaguya Ōtsutsuki… or even the so-called Ōtsutsuki God. With bad luck… Kiba Inuzuka. Not that I'm looking down on him, but well, the lower limit of what I can get is Special Jōnin-level, and Kiba is… well… Kiba.
No tedious missions. No grinding for skill points. The function is simple: I draw a template, and it's broken down into five parts—
Reikon (Soul): The spiritual core. Here, it translates to raw chakra reserves, resistance to those pesky illusions, and a certain... 'resonance' with the metaphysical. Consider Hagoromo—centuries dead, yet his soul empowered those noisy brats Naruto and Sasuke with Sixth Path-level chakra.
Shintai (Body): Physical stats, speed, strength… and any bloodline limits. No gender changes when I absorb them, thankfully. Losing my 'little snake' would be… unacceptable.
Seishin-ryoku (Chakra): Quantity, quality, mastery—especially potent if they've got unique ancestral chakra like Hashirama or Madara with their special Indra and Asura chakra.
Kokoro (Mind): All their knowledge, techniques, and some very juicy secrets. Not every life detail, but enough to ruin reputations.
Ishi (Will): The most... piquant component. Not their ideals or goals—perish the thought! I have no desire to suddenly start wearing green spandex and shouting about 'youth' because I absorbed Might Guy! No. This is willpower, drive, tenacity, and the sheer stubborn force that makes a man get up after having half his body vaporized.
The system always absorbs in the order: Soul → Body → Chakra → Mind → Will. The stronger the template, the longer it takes. Hashirama could take years; some nameless Jōnin might be done before lunch.
And here's the fun part—overlap speeds things up. If I already had an Uchiha template with a Mangekyō Sharingan and pulled another Uchiha, I could integrate them in months, maybe even weeks.
Now, as for my first pull—fortune, it seems, favors the serpent. Not merely 'good,' but simply excellent.
This one alone could push me to peak Kage level—Hanzō-tier, the kind that even other Kage whisper about. Speed demons like the Raikage would still be tricky, but Hanzō, Gaara, and other Kage-class shinobi could indeed be dealt with in a few minutes.
And the true delight is the compatibility. The template belonged to someone my 'future self'—that fascinatingly ambitious version—had already marked as a prime vessel candidate.
Not poor, doomed Kimimaro, but one who cracked the top three, nestled right beside the coveted Sasuke Uchiha and the bone boy himself.
The assimilation of the Reikon is nearly complete, probably done today. I can already feel my chakra doubling compared to when I first transmigrated. And doubling Kage-level chakra, mind you, already pushes me to another peak.
I'm talking about Guren. Crystal Release. 'Kukukuku…'
Just saying it makes me feel like a spoiled noble about to redecorate his entire palace. The moment I learned about it, my mind instantly began overflowing with possibilities.
Guren, the so-called side character who showed up, sparkled a bit, and then vanished into the void. Five episodes! Less development than Tenten got in a single Chūnin Exam arc! Yet, in that fleeting spotlight, she unleashed more visually spectacular ninjutsu than Kakashi did in the entire original series.
Now, of course, people like to dismiss those episodes as 'filler,' but if filler gives you a bloodline limit that produces unbreakable, chakra-infused diamonds on command… then sign me up for filler templates all day, every day. Call it premium canon DLC.
Forget the combat potential for a second—though trapping enemies in giant, sparkly geodes does have a certain je ne sais quoi—the real goldmine here is pure, unadulterated capitalism! The sheer, unmitigated versatility!
Think about it! With a clap of my hands, I could flood the market. Forget D-rank missions hauling groceries or painting fences.
I'd be crafting limited-edition, hyper-realistic crystal figurines: 'Collectible Hokage Busts! Now with authentic granite-texture hair!' Sarutobi's would sell like hotcakes… especially the 'Deeply Disappointed Sigh' variant.
I could corner the luxury gift market—crystal vases so sharp they double as discreet assassination tools! (Comes pre-wrapped! Just add poison!).
And then there's the weaponry. Forget smithing. Crystal kunai sharper than Kiri's prized swords, shuriken that refract sunlight into enemy eyes, lightweight crystal armor tougher than standard-issue flak jackets…
Why, the sheer volume I could produce would make me richer than the Fire Daimyō after a particularly lucrative tax season. I'd rival nations! I could probably buy a minor nation! Build a crystal palace! Hire minions whose sole job is to polish my crystal throne!
Which, naturally, begs the question: why didn't Guren do this? Was she philosophically opposed to wealth? Morally conflicted about destabilizing the global economy?
Or just… narratively dumb?
She conjures crystal weaponry harder than steel that doesn't dissolve without constant chakra input!
That's not just a Kekkei Genkai; that's a perpetual money-making machine! Did she never get tired of Orochimaru's ramen budget?
The sheer wasted potential haunts me—who was a poor ghost back on Earth—more than any ghost in the Pure Lands would.
Though, admittedly, 'that' Orochimaru already controls the Land of Sound's… 'modest' treasury.
Do I need rival-a-country wealth? Probably not. But wanting it? That's the true ninja way! Besides, imagine funding my research without relying on Danzo's sketchy slush funds or Konoha's notoriously stingy R&D budget.
Anyway, that's a problem for future-me. For now, the main focus is finishing the soul absorption. Once I'm done devouring Guren's soul, the next course is her body—because that's the key to obtaining her bloodline limit.
Now then, about reality: the war. I just got back to Konoha from the frontlines, and the moment 'Sarutobi-sensei' summons me, I know something serious is going on.
The old monkey doesn't interrupt his pipe-smoking time for trivialities. I already have a rough idea: the village is caught between Iwagakure and Kumogakure. Double trouble, but not hopeless. After all, the Uchiha clan hasn't even been deployed yet, which means Konoha is still holding cards up its sleeve.
If memory serves, though, Konoha also clashed with Kirigakure in this same war. That little scuffle where Might Duy, eternal genin and Guy's dad, literally went out in a blaze of glory and soloed the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist.
Around the same time, Rin got gifted with the Three-Tails, which pretty much set Obito down his long, edgy path to becoming Madara Jr. Ah, fate. Always so… melodramatic.
Currently, Jiraiya is leading against Iwagakure, with his star student Minato starting to make a name for himself. Meanwhile, Danzo slithers around in the shadows, commanding against Kumo. And I'm his vice commander. Isn't that cute? Two snakes running a platoon.
And yes, Orochimaru—the 'me' of this world—has already started dabbling in human experimentation, in collaboration with Danzo even.
Though it hasn't escalated to post-war levels yet. Still, the situation is delicate, but not impossible. The good news is Danzo doesn't have enough leverage to threaten me.
Sure, we've been experimenting, but most of the test subjects are from enemy villages anyway. Mostly 'volunteers' from Kumo (who 'tripped' into our custody) and the occasional 'troublesome' Uchiha patrol member who mysteriously vanished after questioning village policy.
If my guess is correct, I'll probably be deployed toward Kirigakure soon. That actually tracks with how the original Orochimaru ended up with contributions on par with Minato during the war, which put both of us in the running for Fourth Hokage. Minato got the hat, I got the snake pit. Life's unfair.
Not that I care. I'm not original Orochimaru, after all. If Sarutobi starts his usual moral grandstanding—'dark heart, not worthy of Hokage, blah blah'—I'll just leave the village. Simple as that.
The shinobi world is bigger than Konoha, and I have no intention of living and dying like one of Sarutobi's obedient little pets.
The worst-case scenario? I pack my things, snatch the Scroll of Seals as my 'parting gift' for years of service, and vanish into the horizon. Consider it an early severance package.
Because at the end of the day… Orochimaru doesn't need Konoha.