01. "HEY IT'S ME AGAIN"
Hey mama, it's me again and I know you're probably busy, I was just thinking about you, so I should just check in on you and see how you're doing.
This is the fourth message I'm leaving you, I know the first one was me lashing out on you, the second one was me apologizing for lashing out and the last one was me trying to see if you still don't wanna talk to me.
I've had time to think and reflect about everything, I know that our lives are now apart and so is our paths, I know that we're at different places in life and this time I allowed my own misery get the best of me, I shouldn't have been entitled to your love or who you choose to love, I just found myself in a dark place, thinking about how easier things would've been if you were a part of my days.
A few nights we talked about my emotional struggles, I made it clear that sometimes this thing gets the best of me and I just don't know how to deal with it because I never been in this kind of situation before, not to say what I did a few nights ago was okay but I wasn't thinking straight.
Things I didn't deal with blew up in a way of anger and hate, things I should've dealt with from the damn start and I'm sorry, text me back when you get this.
02. "THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS"
When the girl that you love dearly hasn't been the part of your life for a long time, you find yourself looking for her in all the girls that you come across, sometimes a girl that walks like her or somebody that looks a bit like her might be the next one to get caught up in your messy heartbreak, that's what happens when you lose the girl of your dreams.
People preach to me about moving on as if that ain't what I've been doing for the last 12 months, all that's doing is hurting other girls because I still can't open up to love and I can't partake in romanntic relationships, that's what the fuck happens when you can't be with the girl of your dreams.
I see myself trying to rewrite our story using different characters for her role, I see myself trying to make amends to girls that aren't here and I see myself following the pattern of behaving as if every girl is her, I caught myself trying to be the guy that I couldn't be for her to girls that I barely even know, I guess that's what happens when you can't be with the girl of your dreams.
I don't wanna bring 2023 into everything that I find, I don't wanna keep looking for her in all the new girls that I see, I just can't stop chasing her resemblance and it hurts to say that the girl of my dreams is somebody that I will never ever be with again.
03. "AFTERMATH"
Baby grab a seat, I wanna tell you a little bit of a story, just sit down and keep your attention on the things I'm about to share with you.
Once upon time, there was a little boy who found grown love at a very young, he wasn't ready nor well equipped to occupy that type of love. His flaws were always stronger than his intentions, the best he has ever known came to an end and it left him & his life shattered. He fell into the darkest parts of this world, in the word of loving his first love and because of the heartbreak of losing the girl of his dreams.
He tried to move on with girls but it wouldn't work, he would always find himself back at one, reaching out to his ex and even though he knew that their love had ran it's course, he still couldn't get his mind, heart and soul to make peace with his reality.
The life he had before he met this girl was no longer the life he could live after she left him, he let this pain become him and everything around him would burn down to ashes because of the fire ragging inside of his body, all in the name of love.
TO BE CONTINUED BABY..
04. "FED UP" / "HOME"
You never know what you have until it's gone, everytime that you remember every lost piece, you lose your mind, trying to understand why you couldn't just do better and then you find yourself going down the memory lane.
Losing her has been the hardest thing I've ever went through, she was the best thing I ever had and now that I've changed my ways for the better, she's no longer here because I'm too late and she's fed up.
Being without her has turned my life into a stormy weather and every night, I find myself missing the times I would come back and talk to her until we doze off, I miss how she would simply listen when I tell her what's on my mind, our phonecalls felt like them conversations next to the fireplace.
Everybody is screaming "Let her go", but can nobody tell me what to do with my life, they ain't got no say about who I can love and who I shouldn't love, they don't know the kind of love we used to have.