A knife was in front of my eyes.
"So, do you have anything to say for your actions?"
The white haired witch asked. Her beautiful eyes were piercing into my soul as I hung upside down, tied by ropes dangling from the top of the hideout while keeping my mouth forced into a small smile.
"Ahaha," I said. "My lady, I promise I was planning to kill that man, just after taking a small bathroom break!"
"I don't keep you around for taking breaks, you bastard. You should have killed him immediately when I told you."
I wanted to snap back at the bitch. She didn't even pay, nor did she 'keep me around,' I was kidnapped! Forced to be your assistant! Don't you remember!?
"Tsk. Your narrow eyes really annoy the fuck out of me."
"Ahaha, I was born with them."
"And that fake laugh."
"Oh, I can get rid of that. Should have said it earlier."
The witch turned around and snapped her fingers. The rope tied to my feet, keeping me dangled from the top of the lair suddenly writhed and floated down, bringing me back to the ground, slowly, until my face was almost touching the floor, then let go at once.
I got up and dusted myself. I was honestly, already used to this treatment.
"Tsk. Go bring the material. My potion will be delayed because of you."
"At once," I said, bowing, and walked away—
The knife swooshed through the air and nicked my ear, a drop of blood fell to the ground.
"Run," said the witch. And run I did.
Leaving behind the main room cluttered with papers and cauldrons and to the long passageways. Two living armours bowed at me when they saw me, and I waved back before taking off in a rush. Not like they could speak, so there was no need for words.
The giant lair, as I called it, was honestly more of a castle. A castle in the coldest northern parts of the world, this was none other than the lair of the craziest evil witch in the history of the empire.
Queen of Witches, Weiss.
How long had it been since I was working here? Was it almost a year now, that sounds right. A year ago, I took great pride in myself as one of the most notorious thief, undetected by any magical apparatus or security in the entire Empire.
"Hey Phantom, can't you also hit the Grim Palace?"
That was what one of the interns at my thievery firm said to me—Of course, he was more like a crook following me around and there was no real firm, but you get the idea—and I took him on! I thought great, I can do this. Why not? I had just hit the Emperor's castle, there was no place left and honestly I wanted a bit of a challenge.
So I came here.
And well…
"Y-you are here again…"
Dressed in a butler's uniform, forced to have a smile on my face at all times, I had been caught by the witch.
"I am, unfortunately. Move aside."
The golems keeping guard at the dungeon, who looked a pair of muscle-men that had rock growing out of every part of their skin, moved away after unlocking the cell.
I stepped inside and grabbed the anti-magic chains on the man. He looked at me with surprise again, even the first time was like this, get used to it already.
"P-please…" he said. "Are you… finally helping me escape? I can go see my family?"
I shook my head.
"Sorry man, I shouldn't have made that promise. If possible, I would have pulled through, but like, I have a job and all here and if I don't work she would dock my pay or even fire me! This lady is like the worst boss in the world. The type who would say work-life balance is great and recommended for her competitors with a smile."
"W-what?"
"Yeah. No. I am just speaking nonsense. Anyway, you said you worked for the Duke?"
The soldier I had captured nodded. He was a sentry, apparently, who had ventured too deep into the Northern Ranges while looking out for the Final Wall but had ended up here, in the Grim Palace.
I pulled a knife out from my pockets. Hiding it behind my back.
"Great, tell me more about your job."
"A-are you going to let me go?! Please, you said you will—"
"What's the pay like. Do you ever get hung upside down, stuff like that?"
The sentry looked confused for a second.
Aw, damn it. No making it any easier for him. With a slight sigh, I brought the knife up front and shove it into his neck.
His eyes widened, and blood trickled out of his mouth. He looked at me as if I had just robbed his family of their only means of survival or like I had gone back on a promise of a lifetime.
Oops. Did both of those.
Blood from the man drained to the ground. The prison was empty again. I turned to the golems and pointed at the man.
"You there, help me carry him. There is no one here anymore, so no need to guard this place, yeah?"
The golem picked the body up and off we went.
This was me.
Phantom. The best thief to ever hit the market turned into a butler for some annoying witch.
C'est la vie.
***
It happened when I was spending my free time buried in the myriad of books that colored the library of Grim Palace. True to its name, even the library was filled with cobwebs and nested bats and whatnot in its enormous space.
With nothing else to do here, I frequently ended up in this place to kill time, and though I couldn't use a shred of magic, reading about it sure was interesting. For me, it was like a fantasy story.
"Role of Cats in Teleportation… Role of Frogs in Teleportation… Do Rabbits really Teleport in a Magician's hat—A case study… the fuck are these names?"
I wasn't one to say, but whoever published these old-looking books should have had some respect for their status.
I ran my finger over the books, and stopped. A nameless volume caught my eye. Even amidst the pile of old texts, this black, leather-bound book seemed older yet. An almost mystical air exuded from it.
No seriously, I could feel a breeze.
"What in the world is this…?"
I pulled the book out and leaned against the shelf. Just a leather covering, not a line of text embroidered anywhere. I had seen many ancient books in the Grim Palace, but none like this.
When I flipped the book open, again there was nothing.
"That's weird."
I placed the book on the shelf and picked out a different one. 'Illustrations of cats in places they shouldn't be, and some stories,' maybe this would be a feel-good read.
A quick glance showed cats in a room, cats atop a desk, cats on a tree, cats inside the bath, and the next page was a text-heavy section about a knightly conquest. People really did make whatever the fuck they wanted.
I yawned and stretched my back, then grabbing my next read, went back to my room.
For sure, I had taken just the book about cats.
But on my desk, waiting for me, was the black leather-bound volume from before.
I gulped.
"Ok. It isn't anything new for strange things to happen in this place."
My heart was pounding, but I decided not to think much.
There was a reason why my fear was slowly rising though, not a thief's instinct, but more of the fact that everything in the world in some way operated on magic. Even familiars and spells and detection tools would look out for the traces of mana a person had. I, being born without any semblance of magic in my body, was perhaps one of the most unique existence in this place, even more than the 8th generation queen of bi—witches…
"Surely, it can't be anything important. Maybe it's just a grimoire."
I left the book on the desk and stepped out of my room. Passing through the passageways, I saw some of the succulents the last Queen had placed around the palace to 'brighten' it up. There, on a leaf, was the book.
"Nope."
Atop the head of one of the patrolling living armors.
"No, no, no, no. I am not getting involved with anything from this place—"
I rushed into the bath, locked the door behind me, and looked around. Nothing here. Heaving a sigh, I lost my shirt and went to the bathtub that one of the golems had filled a while back.
As I sank into the warm water, the tiredness of the entire day started to wash out of my body. This, and then sleep, were the only good parts of my day.
I opened my eyes. Opposite me, in the bath, with a towel wrapped around its top and a rubber ducky floating next to it, was the book again.
"AAH! What the hell!?"
The book flapped open and turned away, as if I was the one that had sneaked into the bath while someone else was using it.
I grabbed the book and tossed it out of the bathtub.
"Ouch."
A sharp pinch had remained on my hand. A few drops of blood trickled down my finger. From the bindings of the book on the bathroom floor, a small pin was being sucked back into the book, dabbed in a pinch of crimson.
My blood.
I rushed out of the bath and to the book again. Wind blew past my face, pushing my hair back as a black hue leaked into the air from the book. The once empty front was now engraved with letters.
[Lilith's Grimoire]
It said.
Lilith. My mind immediately went back to one of the sessions when I was hung upside down by Weiss, where she was rambling about the previous occupants of this lovely little house for rent.
The first Queen of Witches.
The one that brought calamity upon the world, a lone person who was said to be capable of wiping the Empire out.
With a mind of its own, the grimoire opened to the first page. Inscriptions started appearing on it in front of me. Words likely written by the Original Queen of Witches.
[I leave this grimoire to a successor. The book is filled with the secrets of my power and will slowly reveal itself only to the one it chooses.. I know they have landed in the right hands. However you choose to use these abilities, this is what is fated. I wish you luck.
~ Lilith]
The Witch Queen's successor…
This meant, the grimoire… had chosen me?
With the power of the First Witch Queen, couldn't I escape the clutches of Weiss? Heck, no, I could… I could even rule over the world.
I was having a hard time believing it. It felt like a sick joke, but who pull something like this except the Witch Queen? It had to be her, it checked out.
Before I could process it, the next page flipped.
[To grow stronger, you must acquire the bodily fluids of a powerful person of the opposite gender. Preferrably in an aroused state.]
Uh. huh.
Checks out.