To be totally honest, I'm not the ugliest girl in town. I'm somewhere between average and low-average, though it's painfully clear that my creator was having a bad day and simply refused to pay closer attention to my face.
I'm not cute like those bunny-like girls who seem to flutter their eyelashes and melt everyone around them. I don't have big, sparkling eyes that draw people in. I'm tall, yes, but that height contributes absolutely nothing to the overall sexy lady vibe I would have loved to possess. But I have one thing those flawless cuties don't have. I still have my virginity.
I swear, I'm not crying.
I spend the majority of my time socializing (on the internet, of course) and breaking my back writing erotic novels, since that's the only way I can realistically insert myself into my own perverted fantasies.
It's no fun at all that the editors constantly nag me about deadlines, though.
And Chiaki, my insanely hot neighbor, certainly doesn't make any of this easier for me. She's always laughing loudly with her boyfriend and other ridiculously hot guys I would totally love to laugh with as well.
She's so insensitive. Doesn't she ever stop to think that her nerdy neighbor might desperately want one of those hunks too?
Unlike the dull, invisible me, Chiaki is a universally loved extrovert.
With her golden pigtails and striking red irises, she seems to enrapture anyone who gazes at her for even a second too long. But also, unlike me (the certified internet nun), Chiaki is so damn slutty.
I mean, can you even call that tiny thing a skirt? And what's with that deliciously exposed midriff?
Bitch, I can literally see your cute panties from over here.
I swear I'm not envious of Chiaki in the least. I'm just a bit jealous that she's good at all the stuff I'm terrible at, and she has things I don't have, including a loving, doting family, and most importantly, a boyfriend. Maybe dozens of them. I want dozens of boyfriends too.
Anyway, this isn't a story about Chiaki. She might pass easily for the main character, but too bad for you. You're stuck with the dull nerd.
Ash is the name. Nice to meet you. Ash Modeous.
I'm about to take you on a journey of how I met my mother…
Just kidding. This is a story about me losing my virginity and becoming a whore, basically.
Not that I would have known that at the beginning, but sit tight. And guys, bring out the tissue. You will need it for the journey. Ladies… well, use your fingers, I guess.
Okay, I live with three of the most annoying yet precious people in the world: my mom and my two younger brothers.
Okay, I lied.
Daniel's actually older than me. But I'm taller than him, so I win. Ruben is two years younger but already taller than me. So… win-win, I suppose.
Mom's almost never home, and I always have to do the house chores and cook for everyone...
Another fat lie, though. Daniel does the cleaning, and Ruben does the cooking.
I, however, handle the most tasking job of all: I supervise them. From the comfort of my room. If I need anything, I just yell, "You useless brothers! Isn't the food ready yet?!"
They never take it lying down, though. They assault me with pillows and bully me relentlessly.
A few years ago, I was totally a tomboy because of their ceaseless indoctrination of me with boy stuff.
At age five, I genuinely thought I was just a rare specimen: a boy with a vagina.
My dad? He went to get some milk at the convenience store six years ago but never returned.
For those who don't understand, he died and left us. That made Mom grind endlessly to put food on the table. And I just… I just do nothing but laze around and eat like a domestic pig.
But I swear, if they keep serving me well, I will be the richest and most powerful woman in the world. Somehow.
I just have to start with getting a boyfriend: a seemingly impossible task.
Dad was a hunk, with auburn hair and green eyes. He caused a lot of trouble for Mom due to the endless influx of home-wreckers.
Mom herself was a total bombshell (why the hell didn't you share some of those genes with me, you damn hag?).
She had brunette hair with all the right curves in exactly the right places. If she wasn't able to lift a 100 kg gas tank with one hand, she'd have been the most adorable hag in the world.
She's very dangerous, by the way.
The same goes for Daniel and Ruben. They're hot guys; Daniel with brown hair and blue eyes, and Ruben being in the same box as me and dad--Green eyes and auburn red hair (though, mine seems like a dead mermaid's hair).
So why do I feel like the only one who got cheated?
My dried auburn hair is almost always messy and unkempt. I can't seem to do anything about the dark circles under my eyes.
My skin is dry, pale, and crusty from always staying indoors. I look exactly like my name suggests: Ash.
I smell a conspiracy. Mom and Dad named me Ash, then my brothers trained me in the ways of a pervert and a boy.
And then they themselves repented and became diligent members of society, while only I can't seem to see the world in anything but a depraved old man's eyes.
So I just come across as a nerdy outcast or something. But I'm sure, despite all their nagging and scolding, my family loves me the mos--
"Mom, I think it's time to send that pig to a boarding school," Ruben's voice drifted in.
"I think so too, Mom. I will lose my mind if we continue to raise a warthog pretending to be human," Daniel added.
"So you both had the same idea as me, huh? Great. When are we doing the operation?" Mom replied.
"What operation are we talking about?" I cut in, descending the stairs to the living room. "It sounded like you're trying to get rid of some animal."
"Haha! Of course not!" Ruben laughed. "We never said anything about sending you off to some remote village in Africa."
With enough pressure and threats, they abandoned the absurd idea. And now I at least stand in the kitchen when they cook.
Nevertheless, how do I get my first boyfriend again?
I try not to think much about it, but I'm probably a loser and a freak, and it is very exhausting to even imagine making guys fall in love with me without cringing them out first.
I'm smart. At least smart enough to get average grades in class. But I'm talking street-smart here.
So I know more than anyone that in order to rake in the men, I'd need to ditch the glasses, dress at least properly, tidy my hair, and be a lot more outspoken.
But I hate contact lenses. Dressing properly is a pain in the ass that requires daily commitment.
And I wish a fairy godmother would appear and take care of my hair for me.
Despite all my ranting here, I'm fairly mute in public, and speaking to people makes my heart race and my face flush hard.
I think the world sees me as a female orc in human clothes.
So, I'm not cute at all. I'm not actually book-smart. I have non-existent fashion sense.
I have no talent besides writing erotic novels, and I cannot stand being around people without wanting to faint. Therefore, no friends.
With these data points, it's fair to say I'm dying a virgin, unless some force of nature presents me with a really absurd shortcut.
I write the visceral details drawn from intense sex and slow, sensual sex. I can testify on behalf of blowjobs and the most effective sex positions to achieve enlightenment…
But I have never once received even a kiss from a pet (which I don't even have).
So, as I finished dinner with my glamorous family, I headed straight to my room.
"Hey! Give thanks after you finish eating!"
I ignored the noisy buzz of Ruben and shut the door.
Even… even someone like me has it hard, you know.
I also want to have a life outside my own room.
I want to have sex with Mr. Robin (the hot math teacher), Mr. George (the hot janitor), Mr. Frederick (the hot school principal).
I want friends too.
I also want to be... like Chiaki. Bold, honest, alive, and not being a burden to anyone else.
Ah… tears are falling from my eyes again. My face is neutral. I try to suppress the emotions, but the tears come out on their own. Weird.
I better watch that porn I saved yesterday and get to bed. Mr. Robin has set his sights on me and my late coming… I kinda wish he'd punish me one of these days.
But yeah, it might not be in the sexual sense, so no way.
"AHN! MORE, DEEPER! BREAK ME APART!"
"Stupid sister! Reduce the volume of that crap! It's 9 PM!"
***
High school was supposed to be a milestone for me. At least, I wanted it to be. But it turned out to be a dog-eat-dog world.
And I was lower than the dogs.
"No way! Did you eventually kiss Lukas?" one slutty bitch near my seat asked, gleefully.
"Kiss him? Girl, we fucked like rabbits till his father got pissed and threatened to join the fray! Haha!" another slutty bitch responded with a giggle.
"Ew. He actually did that? Middle-aged men are like so weak when it comes to sex, right?"
"Well, yeah, basically. But it depends on who we're talking about. My landlord isn't so bad… wait, isn't that pig listening on us?"
"Ah, gross. You're right. She's shamelessly perking her ears this way."
"Let's bounce."
Huh? Pig, as in me?
Those two were Elena and Olivia. I don't know if I should say much, but you can tell I hate their guts as much as they hate mine.
But I won't lie: they sure bring up good gossip, so I stalk… I mean, follow them everywhere.
"Get lost, giraffe-pig variant!" Elena lashed out angrily.
"We don't want your pungent smell on us," Olivia added.
I peeked through my unkempt hair covering my face and looked at them.
I'm worried. I don't have confidence in talking with people. I don't want to bother them (okay, I actually want to bother the hell out of them).
What should I say? Ah, why don't I act like Chiaki and be honest?
"Uhm… about what you guys were talking about…" I started, as their faces twisted with disgust.
Kids sure are cruel.
"You skunk! So you WERE eavesdropping on us?" Olivia yelled.
We were in the hallway, and children around had begun to stir and watch.
So embarrassing. I suppose I should bounce, myself.
"What's going on here?" a new voice entered.
"Ah! It's Miss Chiaki!"
"Chiaki, what's up~!"
Ugh, I should have run when I had the chance.